Life’s journey is filled with moments that shape our decision making, our life experience and ultimately who we are. Like in episodic storytelling, our lives play out in lengthy story arcs that unfold over time. The meaning of which don’t become clear until months or years later.
In recent days, I came across a blog post bravely written by a friend of mine — she shares how one of her life moments brought insight. Her very successful career came to an abrupt end and her journey took a different path in a moment in time. Her insight brought to light an issue that I’ve personally dealt with and believe that many parents struggle with in silence: the balance of career and family. I’m not talking about the management of daily schedules, but the prioritization of family over career.
I have to admit, I am a convert. I was born with strong determination – when I decide to accomplish a task, I am dogged. This sense of determination has served me well throughout my working career. And as I look back over my life I see arcs – each, another accomplishment building on the next. The rewards of each accomplishment equated to more power, more responsibility, and more money. All the while, each reward meant time away home, more parental responsibility for my wife, and missed opportunities to take an active role in the lives of my children. I was surrendering those things that I once held dear to my career ambition.
Life’s journey changed when my wife shared that she felt as if she was living the life of a single parent. This was not the life that either one of us had imagined; I was determined to make a change. I went to work the next day and turned in my resignation.
Like my friend, I too had a moment in time that pointed me in a new direction. In the spring of 2007, I had revealed to my wife that, once again, I would need to work throughout the weekend. Shannon is the most supportive wife a husband could have, but this was one more weekend stacked on top of many years of 65-hour-plus work weeks that included most weekends – she had had enough. Life’s journey changed when my wife shared that she felt as if she was living the life of a single parent. This was not the life that either one of us had imagined; I was determined to make a change. I went to work the next day and turned in my resignation.
For most, I disguised my decision to resign with half-truths. I’ve found that when a person resigns from a job, they often prepare a grandiose story of future plans. Truthfully, most are leaving because they’re either about to be fired, hate their job, or found a better opportunity. I genuinely loved my job too much and chose it over my family too often. So at my departure, I shared my plans to start my own web design business. Which I did out of necessity, have learned to love, and can proudly say has turned into a successful venture. Funny how the bumps in life’s journey often act as the best business plans.
While it may not have been clear at the time, my decision to choose a different career path was vital in shaping the man I am today. Yes, the business has thrived, but that’s because I’ve learned to prioritize and have worked hard. Each morning, I wake no longer carrying the guilt that accompanied my career ambition. I’m an active, present father and husband. I see my kids when they leave for school in the morning, eat lunch with my wife most days, and sit at the dinner table with my family each night. It’s not perfect and there have certainly been hard times, but I can rest my head at night knowing that making my family first priority will be foundational for my children as they begin their journey.
